Flying Formation

Since my husband is a pilot who started as a "back-seater", I tend to picture our roles as parents in that view. Most days it works out that I have to do the work of flying the plane. Since he is only with the children for an hour or so, most teaching and discipline falls to me. Ideally, he is right "behind me" providing the right heading and targets. He sees much of what I see and can help get us back on course.

In some seasons, I think the Lord has actually placed us in "single seat" jets. My husband is called off on different missions frequently, and I am left to pilot and navigate independently. Communication with him requires special equipment, and he cannot look over my shoulder to guide. He can use experience and memory and, hopefully, remain the "flight lead".

One of the hardest parts of flying F-18s is getting into and maintaining precise formation, especially while handling another flight task. I think welcoming a husband home from deployment is kind of like the joining up to formation. And managing meals and children on top of it is like aerial refueling in formation! It is extremely exciting but also requires some skill! I am attempting to remember what we learned in our "join up" that might help friends preparing to welcome their husbands home!

-Preflight
PRAY!

- Maintain a little space, but not too much!
Coming home to an excited family of four or more can be overwhelming, but I think most men are ready to be overwhelmed! We had such a joyful time catching Boyce up on all he had missed. Keeping some similar schedules can be helpful, however. Expect him to go back in to work, and keep a date with friends when he does. Just make sure that he knows that you are there for him.

- Keep good visuals.

You will learn the most about where your spouse is and what he/she is feeling by simply observing. He may not be talking well or much after being with men, men, men for months. You will be able to tell from his face and body language whether he is tired, apprehensive or ready for more.

- Make adjustments for each other.
If he moves in to put the children to bed before you, then swing back and observe. If he starts doing dishes (his way), thank him! Think through things you would enjoy doing or talking about together, but hold off if the time doesn't seem right.

- Breathe
Do not pressure yourself to make everything go smoothly. Just try to keep your plane headed in the right direction! :)

- Debrief
Celebrate good transitions, discuss desires for improvement and focus on your common mission.

And check the comments to see if others have advice. :)